Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
