So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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