Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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