im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
