literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
