I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
