dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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