I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
