You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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