If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize