my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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