He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
