he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
