found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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