Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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