yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
