I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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