i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
