OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
