oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
