if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
