i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
