Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
