Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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