we should wear snuggies to the strip club
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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