Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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