So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Text me some of your sweat
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
