And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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