Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
