im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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