I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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