I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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