I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
