girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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