hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
