OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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