Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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