also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
