i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
this hospital has no fireball
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
