Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
