Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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