"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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