I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
