After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
