i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
