Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
