Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.

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(205): View more from Alabama

i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!

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(915): View more from Texas

when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore

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(850): View more from Florida

It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis

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(813): View more from Florida

ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday

(813): View more from Florida

Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.

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(804): View more from Virginia

You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future

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