im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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