This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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