thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
