your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
