the new term for farting is butt boxing.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
