Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
