And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
