So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize