I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
