and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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