Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
