walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
