I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize