Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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