dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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