do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
