JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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