You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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