i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish you could order shots online.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize