trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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