Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
me + whiskey = a bad person
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
